Remember how i said I was going to take each day at a time? Well, today was a pretty bad day.
I think that maybe the reason I am so afraid of failure, of always trying to make sure I have a clear path to my future is because I have seen my siblings go through these murky paths and not come out the way they are supposed to. I think the four other closest people I have in my life, haven't gone beyond the first year of degree and that scares me because I am always afraid that I am doomed to repeat the family history. I think I am realizing how much thinking I actually do each day, each moment. All these thoughts just floating around in my head like a mobeaus strip, so endless and mind boggling.
I felt on edge again today, I know its easy to say that I am like this because of my support system and things like that..But I almost succeeded at shutting my mind down today- not think about any of these things, but I still felt like crap. I felt angry, and the added stress of what my "friends" from college are going to say when they see me on Monday is driving me up the wall. They expect me to have lost weight and all those stuff. What if they keep telling me.. aw! you've gotten fatter..or aw! You've gotten darker..or any of that stuff, I might end up going off on them! I have to figure out an effective plan to deal with what to say and what to do when that happens. I don't want my first day back to be the start of my blow up.
I tried to shut my mind off for another day. I watched my series and did what I was told . But the series watching ended today. From tomorrow, the days have to be used more productively. One step at a time!
Here are some things I should be doing:
Keep Writing
Workout
Eat ON TIME
Sleep ON TIME
Start studying, an hour a day at least
.
I felt on edge again today, I know its easy to say that I am like this because of my support system and things like that..But I almost succeeded at shutting my mind down today- not think about any of these things, but I still felt like crap. I felt angry, and the added stress of what my "friends" from college are going to say when they see me on Monday is driving me up the wall. They expect me to have lost weight and all those stuff. What if they keep telling me.. aw! you've gotten fatter..or aw! You've gotten darker..or any of that stuff, I might end up going off on them! I have to figure out an effective plan to deal with what to say and what to do when that happens. I don't want my first day back to be the start of my blow up.
I tried to shut my mind off for another day. I watched my series and did what I was told . But the series watching ended today. From tomorrow, the days have to be used more productively. One step at a time!
Here are some things I should be doing:
Keep Writing
Workout
Eat ON TIME
Sleep ON TIME
Start studying, an hour a day at least
.
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