Mean

Some days I just feel like being mean
I am angry at so many things at the same time,
I don't think I can put on the happy face today.
It might mean
I'll act like a bitch to the ones that stick by me
It might mean I am displeased at the whole world
But amongst my days of pretending,
Some days.. I need a day for reality. 

I wish I could translate each of my feelings as eloquently as they are intense.

But what happens is quite contrary-

the sentences become fragmented, phrases become scattered and words become scarce.

Feelings are so fickle,

One minute I am just cruising along in elation and the next I am in a puddle of morose.

I keep telling myself

If you get those words out, you can make it out of the surge of emotions.

But sadly all that happens is

sweaty palms, thumping nerves, tear filled eyes and the occasinal dry mouth.

But still,

No words,

let alone any comprehensible sentences.

Someday

\

Someday, a man is going to walk into my life and he will be all things that the one before was and better.

This man will show me things are not as bad as I dread and expect them to be like,

this man, will wipe away all the pain, loss and fear that the one before left behind.

He will make me understand why so many things had to go wrong

So that I would be worthy of the good that came later.

He will be everything I dreamed of and more.

Someday, this is going to happen,

Or so I have to believe.

But that day

is not

Today.

I was inspired by the Queen Song, "Somebody To Love"

Each morning I get up I die a little

Can barely stand on my feet

Take a look in the mirror and cry

Lord what you're doing to me

I have spent all my years in believing you

Lord!

Somebody, somebody

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Deception

Leaves that promised never to fall,

hearts that pledged never to fail.

Love that seemed eternal,

bonds that we deemed perpetual.

Fledglings that swore never to fly away,

And beauty that could never wither away.

Of claims made and failed,

Only deception; sovereign reigned.

-         

The Quest (ion) of Solitude

 "If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren't okay with it, then just wait. You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it."

In our world, alone is associated with unwanted. 
As long as people succumb to meet our society's prerequisite for acceptance, 
How can things change?

Even the ones who thrive in the solitude,
 strive for companionship.
Not for any kind of gratification, 
but  for the validation of their desirability

How can anyone truly enjoy the freedom in loneliness, 
when they are scared of the stares and presumptions?

In my world, wanting to be alone,
is wrong.
A good girl, doesn't need to sit alone.
Unless she is sad,depressd, or god forbid!,
Trying to hide something.

But how can solitude and happiness,
 be mutually exclusive?

That change from feeling dejected for being lonely ,
to finding solace in solitude, 
is what we are searching for.

Here and Now.

She has been broken before. She was always a little broken inside. 

And she always found new ways to keep herself that way. 

She never trusted anyone,but still got hurt. 

But these days, the only person she does not trust,is herself.

And only because she has let herself trust someone completely.

It is strange,even insane. 

She had found tranquility in her distrust. 

It does not matter anymore. 

Getting hurt is second nature to her. 

The only thing that matters is that she has someone in her life,

who she expects to come back to her .

They may not get forever, 

but nobody gets forever. 

She has found you,

here and now. 

Someone she has been looking for her whole life. 

You have given her something no one else could. 

Faith. 

Faith that there is someone like you out there for someone like her. 

Faith that even if she doesn't get forever with you, 

she gets this much with you. 

She has been through enough to know that forever, 

is for fools. 

Here and now.

Is what matters.

Escapism??!

"Forgive and forget..? Isn't that a form of Escapism ?", somebody asked me once. To be honest,not really... at least,not to me.Escapism can seem like a kind of a naive selective memory. A word for the act of cowardice.You messed up and you choose to runaway. But,I choose never to dwell too much on the past because it simply holds no interest to me.I have made a lot of mistakes and its my choice to look forward in spite of it all. 

People say that those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it. But isn't life a never ending rerun? We repeat ourselves. We fall, pick ourselves up. Sometimes, we fall into a deeper pit,but we climb a steeper mountain uphill. We enjoy the view from the Alta vista, but for how long?! Nobody gets to stay on top of the world forever. Sooner or later,you will have to comedown from there. And that is always gonna be downhill climb.

Forget the mountaineering analogy, Isn't life like a rubber ball? If it goes down, it has to come up. And if the rubber ball refuses to bounce back up after hitting the cold hard ground, hasn't it lost its purpose in life? Isn't it just plain useless now? But imagine the rubber ball forgets about hitting the ground, bruises and all, and decides to do what comes naturally after the fall.
If you have the strength at heart to grant yourself a clean slate, a slate free from mistakes and pains, you are giving yourself the courage to try new things. For a baby, a world is a fearless place. He is ready to take on anything and everything, he is ready to take the steps. He forgets the fact that he fell down so many times before. If he remembers those falls, and decides to crawl forever,would he be better off?

So, escapism might actually be a tool of propulsion. A way to grant yourself a clean slate,that can give you the courage to throw yourself into a projectile flight after a gut wrenching fall. So shouldn't escapism actually be considered as a good thing? A viable disposition?

Think about it: 
Why dwell on the trials and tribulations of the past,day after day when there is a better future laying ahead with endless  possibilities..?